Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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