she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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