this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize