i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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