I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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