at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
