I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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