stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
