Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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