Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
