Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
