I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
