my phone cant type all the emotion im having
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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