I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't notice because vodka
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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