he wants to bone in the snuggie
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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