I met the friendliest cop last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
