Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
