Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize