i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
