Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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