Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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