I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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