I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
