how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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