im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
