I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
