It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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