He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
