Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
