She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
