dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
