went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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