I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
