**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
