in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
