I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
