Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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