Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
