just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
