I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
