Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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