Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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