dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
