do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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