I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
