I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
