i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize