I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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