If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
