i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
