She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I need to stop coming to work sober
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize