Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
