The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
