I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you didnt know i had herpes?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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