Don't make out with my wife yet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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