Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
how drunk are you?
Several
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
