Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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