Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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