These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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