I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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