A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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