i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We are all done wearing pants today
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
