i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
