So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
