are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
