do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
