is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
