I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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