do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
