I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
