I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
