We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
